Republican Entitled: or How the GOP saved the richest in American from the travesty of taxes

I'm not proud of any of this...

Societies often fluctuate, having both their ups and downs. It seems that America has reached a new low, even possibly rock bottom, from which we may not return for a very long time. Between flaccidity and radicalized sentiments, union busting, government sanctioned racism, and the general removal of basic privileges that I thought we were all over, it got me thinking. Why? Why is this happening? Here is the conclusion I came to:

Republican Entitled: or How the GOP saved the richest in American from the travesty of taxes

On the night Obama was elected, the GOP stood in terror and fear. Their worst fears had been realized: a black guy was president. Soon all the children in the country would wear baggy pants, Ebonics would replace English, and what would become of their precious white women? Jungle fever would ensue. And so they got to thinking...how could they destroy this giant of a man with their feeble, soft, never-seen-a-day-of-work-in-their-lives hands? And that's when it hit them: He was black, he couldn't be American! African Americans spend their days toiling in the tobaccy fields, singing spirtuals, right? He must be...African! And Africans can't be Christian or American: Jesus made that rule when he founded America after destroying the Army of Tyrannosaurs led by Karl Marx, or the Marxasaurus Rexes, if you prefer. 

So they sent out their intelligence and recovered even more information: his father was a Muslim, or Jihadist, which meant terrorist! Oh, the GOP had thought they won the day. Pieces of paper and a white mother wouldn't dampen their mood. This man was such a complex evil, it only meant one thing: he must be a  commie. So to save their fellow corporate CEO's, they launched attack after attack. However, Palinbot began to malfunction, making the American people begin to doubt the integrity and ability of the GOP. "Oh woe is us!" they cried, "If only we didn't live in a democracy, it wouldn't matter what these people thought!" The CEO's waved their fists, "If you don't change this, there will be no more allowance for you!" 

So they rounded up all pliable Americans they could and named it after the Tea Party, another corporatist funded plot to undermine the current government disguised as a move to true freedom. They rewrote history books, took money away from colleges, and helped make the poor even poorer. Elections came and went, some won and some lost. "Oh woe is us!" they cried. "We took their money, we made them dumb, we even got them to watch Beck yell at pastry treats! Why won't the American people give in!" Although apathy was rampant, their plan was still not complete. Boehner, the tiniest and most precious republican, was inconsolable, and cried for 40 days and 40 nights...flooding his entire estate. 

The GOP had one final plan: to attack this Communist Jihadist Black Guy head on. And so, lead by the tiniest little republican, Boehner, they made their demands. "We want no taxes for our daddies and uncles! We want more taxes on those bottom feeding poor people! No health care! No food! And bibles instead of history books in every school!" Obama listened to their requests, and when they were done his said simply this: "I'm a pragmatist." And so he bowed his head and walked away, thinking that at least country united was better this way.

The GOP was elated! They had won the day! And so they set off to make their perfect world. They busted unions, took away teachers dental rights. They said no to gay marriage: queers aren't people anyway. They brought charges against people who exposed their schemes, ask Julian Assange, what is consensual rape by the way? Abortion was right out, and it would be done quick if it wasn't for that damn Supreme Court ruling so many years earlier. But they hatched a plan, "We'll tell women it gives them breast cancer from the devil!" they said. And so Obama bowed his head and said only, "I'm a Pragmatist".

People rallied in the streets but they said "Poo-poo. You have no money, what can you do?" Even some democrats tried to come to their aid, but so low on the totem pole it only held their integrity, no justice would be had. Then they thought, "With this election coming up so soon in 2012, we have to make this one count, for Great Quetzalcoatl's return!" Many candidates popped up, so many to choose, with all the same make, model, and modes, who would be the best? But more bad news was headed for the GOP: it turns out, the American people were starting to have neutral or positive thoughts about Muslims. "Oh, woe is us!" they cried. "What's next, they'll like Communists, too?"

Out of smoke and fire, the ghost of McCarthy appeared! "Now listen my brothers, there is nothing to fear! I'll help you get the American people on your side. Fill them with paranoia, threaten their lives!" So they held a committee to prove that these Muslims couldn't be trusted, and this wouldn't be the end they swore. If the American people hated Muslims, maybe they would hate Obama, too. All they needed was to keep saying he was born in Kenya, because repetition is better to prove something than facts! Obama would be out and they would be back in, to finish what Bush Jr had started: Serfdom of the people. But they still had so many more things to do: find an appropriate candidate for the presidency: some one loud but not too smart, someone who would listen to their CEO masters! So many hunger for the chance, but who will it be? White, male, christian, and rich...so many possibilities! More than having the power and glory, they say the biggest treat of all for the winner of the GOP nomination is a chance to nurse from Ann Coulter's man-teat.

...or will the wave of revolution crash on American? Only time will tell. You can do your part in preventing GOP political fire by thinking before you vote. And remember, if you come across a Tea Party member, don't be scared. Remember to stand your ground and don't run, they will give chase. If one is charging you, make yourself look bigger by raising your arms out and make a reference to science: it will confuse them, giving you enough time to get away. Can you be sane in a mad world? Let's try.

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